I'm a Bastard. I was reunited in 1996. It was great. I've got a great relationship with my birthfather, birthmother, birthsisters, adoptive mother, and adoptive sister. It's very normal. Like all members of Bastard Nation, I believe that access to one's birth records and birth certificate are a basic human right.

Once upon a time, I wrote a story about what it was like to be a Bastard. Bastard Nation liked it and put it up on their site. After a while, I got some fan mail from another member. I'd never gotten fan mail before, so I married her. She's really great.

Shelly was adopted in Tennessee. That state opened their record access laws for adoptees, and Shelly filed her paperwork to get her records.

Unfortunately, an adoptive father from Tennessee sued the state on behalf of four anonymous birthmothers. As I understand the sixth amendment to the US Constitution, "to be confronted with the witnesses against him" means that those four birthmothers should have been in court testifying how they'd be hurt by open records. Since this adoption is such a special, "sensitive" subject, the birthmothers were never even named in the lawsuit. No one ever asked this father how many children he had adopted.

So that he could keep his four little kittens safe and ignorant, everyone else had to suffer. When you're a Bastard, you get used to that sort of attitude.

Shelly's paperwork sat while the case when through the court system. The Bastards eventually won and the state of Tennessee eventually got to sending out her paperwork. Because of their laws, Shelly was not allowed to contact any relatives until she paid $135 and the state received permission from her birthmother. She paid her money and waited.

After several weeks, she contacted the state to see what the delay was. They told her that while they were embarrassed at the delay, they were concentrating their energy on getting the records out to adoptees in case of another such frivolous lawsuit. They wanted as many adoptees as possible to have their records.

Shelly's a Bastard, and while she was frustrated at the slow pace, she figured that she could take one for the team.

She started to do research herself online. She could provide it to the state, or have it herself for quick contact. She found her mom's name, address, and picture.

And her obituary.

Her mother died of heart failure at 49 in August, 1999. Fourteen months after Shelly filed her paperwork.

I wish there was a happy ending to the story. I wish I could tell you about how Shelly contacted her birthsisters. How Shelly could find out that her mom really wanted to meet her, and how they got along like I get along with my four birthsisters. But I can't.

Tennessee still hasn't given her permission to contact her family, and Shelly doesn't want to mess it up for other Bastards and allow someone to sue and cause an injunction to be issued.

Because that just wouldn't be fair.

About a year after writing this, and a week after Shelly returned from her first visit, I received the following e-mail:

Dave,

You can go to your web site and finish the Memoriam
Susan X. It now has a happy ending. We love her.

Uncle William

I like the way that "her" can mean both Shelly and her mother. I like that Shelly has met some great people, and that one of her sisters is named Shelly. I like the fact that they grew up in a small town in Mississippi that was similar to the one Shelly did in Texas. I'm glad that Shelly is happy.

But I will always consider this a happier ending, not a happy one. I will never, ever forget that selfish man from Tennessee denied my wife the chance to meet her mama.

Copyright Dave Sipley
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